Don't mess with my Mac & Cheese!

I was hungry today, so I ate the last Hostess cupcake in the box. A few minutes later Herbie came walking into the kitchen saying he was hungry and could I make him some Macaroni & Cheese. Sure, I can do that. Simple.

But sometimes he can complicate the heck out of simple. "Make sure you don't screw it up" he says.  "Don't use as much milk as it calls for, and use extra butter." So I said "It's Macaroni & Cheese, it's not rocket science." So then he said "Just get the pasta cooking and I'll add the rest of the stuff."

So the timer goes off and I call Herbie into the kitchen to add his precious condiments. He mixes it and sits down to eat. All of a sudden he makes a funny face and says "Did you add salt to this?" "Well yeah," I said. "I always add salt to the water. Remember when the kids were younger and they made Mac & Cheese and they didn't add salt and it tasted awful?" And he said "No, they added salt, that's why it didn't turn out." "Oh" I said. "Maybe that's what it was."

"Well I can't eat this." He says. "I'll just have that cupcake."

Playing Games

So last weekend we were playing a new game with our friends (I don't remember the name of it) where you had to know something about each other in order to win. There were four statements on the cards like this:

Favorite soda
Rainy or cloudy?
Good _____(fill in the blank)
Favorite tree

Now Herbie knows full well that I'm obsessed with palm trees. Everybody knows that. It's a well known fact. If you know me but you don't know I love palm trees, then you're one pie short of a picnic.

So I decide to mess with Herbie. When he asks me what my favorite tree is, I say pine. So he says "Great! That's what I put down for that one."

Whhaaaat???

"Pine tree? What is the matter with you??? You know the answer is palm tree. Are there two wires touching in your head that shouldn't be?"

Yeah. He's a real wacko.

What's your favorite game?

Sandal Mania

Herbie's comment on my last shopping trip:

"You go in the store to buy one shirt, and you come out with six pairs of sandals. I just don't understand you."

More Herbie-isms

Me: It must be so discouraging when the Wheel of Fortune players lose a turn or hit bankrupt. I wonder if anyone ever cried on camera?

Herbie: You can be the first one.

Me: Ever since I posted a few weeks ago about a
I've been seeing them everywhere! In magazines, books, TV. Do you think God wants us to get a parrot?

Herbie: Last night I saw aon TV.

Happiness is...

 

Herbie has to eat on the road a lot, and he worries about spilling on his suit, so I bought him this bib. I ordered it from a website that sells adult bibs for elderly people. It was a tie between a John Deer tractor bib or this one. Herbie asked what I would give him if he wore this at the McDonalds drive through. I said he better not...they might think he escaped from the nursing home.
What makes you happy?

Birthday Bash

Here's Herbie, in all his glory. We had a great time celebrating the big 'Over the Hill' milestone.

I made Herbie a nice cake, but before I had a chance to light the candles, he got into the cake and polished it off. I caught him in the act, as you can see by the frosting on his face.

Herbie-ism's

Typical things that pop into Herbie's head on any given day:

When I bought a new purse: Why did you buy this animal purse? I don't like it. I can't find anything in here.

When I was munching on dehydrated peas: Are you still eating those stupid peas?

When I modeled my new sun hat that I bought for the beach: Going raspberry picking?

When we ran out of Cheese Nips: Do we have any more of those cheese outfits?

Everyday when our grandkids come over, Herbie will say "What do you tink?" To which the kids always reply "Good." So Herbie says "You tink good?" This conversation has been going on daily for the past year. When something gets into Herbie's head, it's stuck there for a long, long time. Gotta love him!

50 First Days

Dear Diary,

Today was typical, nothing out of the ordinary. Herbie lost his cell phone. He had it with him in the car, the truck and all over the house. He searched the vehicles while I scoured the house, digging with my hands behind things like laundry piles and couch cushions. All that got me was dirty underwear and cheeto dust. One hour later: he found it in the car, on the dashboard! "Good grief, Herbie." (I call him Herbie when he gets my goat.) He says he never put the cell phone on the dashboard before, that's why he didn't think to look there. Okay...

But wait, there's more! So we decide to go shopping. I ask where the car keys are, and Herbie says they're in the car. So I grab my purse and lock all the doors behind me. We get into the car. No keys. "Dang it!" Herbie says. "They must be in the house!" Hmmm. Too bad I just locked all the doors. The car keychain also has our house keys on it. Herbie resorts to taking the back door off the hinges to get inside.

On our way out of town, we were supposed to drop off our son's dog, Cujo. Yes, Cujo. Cujo is quite large, and there's no forgetting he's in the car. Herbie started going the opposite way. I said "You forgot about Cujo!" So we turned around...and drove right past Cujo's house. Eventually Cujo did get dropped off.

Later in the day...We're sitting in Chili's. We just ordered ribs. Herbie remembers that he forgot to ship a Fed Ex package, and he has to go immediately because they close in 20 minutes. One rack of ribs and a margarita later, Herbie returns feeling disgruntled. They closed an hour ago.

Home again, home again, jiggity jig. Luckily the back door was off the hinges, because Herbie now tells me when he went back in the house for the keys earlier, he could only find the spare key. The original car keys were actually in the truck. But don't bother asking where the truck keys are. Let's not go there...